Category: Cartoon Guide to Gnostic Mythology

Gnostic Jesus

Join Rev Max as he explores, explains and exposes the explosive forbidden gospels of the ancient Gnostic Christians! Thrill to the hidden history of humanity and pulse-pounding revelations of cosmic conspiracy, from alien abductions in the Garden of Eden to Christian sex magic and serpent-worship cults, occult time wars across parallel universes, Roman mind control methods and black magic secrets of the crucifixion!

The Alien God

Beyond the edge of the known universe, the alien god sleeps, submerged in an endless, shimmering pool. A ripple echoes across the timeless waters, the goddess Barbelo emerges, and together they conceive two divine children : Sophia (Wisdom) and Immortal Man (Christ).

Birth of the Demiurge

Sophia drew a veil around infinity and her veil cast a shadow outside it. From the depths of darkness arose Yaldabaoth, the blind, foolish Demiurge. Declaring himself "God", Yaldabaoth fled the divine realms and used some of his stolen fire to build a prison planet called "Earth." He created seven heavens like invisible cosmic cages and populated them with sinister fallen angels called "Rulers."

Creation of Adam

Yaldabaoth and the Rulers wanted to create an obedient species of primate slaves so they conducted a series of bizarre experiments, cloning Adam, raping Eve and implanting both with false memories.

Forbidden Fruit of Gnosis

Sophia took pity on the first humans and sent the serpent to teach them how to rebel; provoked to curiousity, they ate from the Tree of Knowledge and discovered that their "creators" were monstrous parasites.

Rise of the Nephilim

Adam and Eve's descendants refused to worship Yaldabaoth, so the Rulers decided to drown humanity in a flood. Noah was chosen to save those loyal to Yaldabaoth; Eve's daughter Norea set Noah's ark on fire and escaped when the Rulers tried to rape her. The Rulers descended to the Earth to impregnate the survivors, smash the Tower of Babel, and give Moses the 10 Commandments.

Jesus the Menace

Jesus was a shape-shifting messenger from another dimension who descended to the Earth and took human form, using mysterious and controversial teachings to awaken His disciples to the spark within. Accused of sorcery and arrested, He switched places with Simon of Cyrene at the last minute and flew away laughing while the Romans crucified the wrong guy.

Notes & Annotations

Notes and asides reflecting the perspectives of various disciplines